|| Loving the Unlovely ||

 "You will probably have to rely heavily on your faith in God in order to do this. "

I have always admired Luke's writing because he was a physician who gave attention to details and in the first century wrote an orderly account of the teachings and lifestyle of Jesus of Nazareth. In what many have called Jesus' greatest sermon, I read the following words, which I call love's greatest challenge. 

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.... Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.

It seemed to me that profound challenge, written almost two thousands years ago, might be the direction that we are looking for, but could we do it? could anyone do it? Is it possible to love a partner who has become your enemy? Is it possible to love one who has cursed you, mistreat you, and express feelings of contempt an hate for you? And if she could, would there be any payback? Could that principle of loving an unlovely person possibly work in a marriage as far gone as some of the people have. 

lets take a chance, and follow the following steps :

1. Ask how you can be a better partner, and regardless of the other's attitude, act on what he or she tells you. continue to both seek more input and comply with those wishes with all your heart and will. Assure your spouse that your motives are pure. 

2. When you receive positive feedback, you know there is progress. Each month make one nonthreatening but specific request that is easy for your spouse. Make sure it relates to your primary love language and will help replenish your empty tank.

3. When your partner responds and meets your need, you will be able to react with not only your will but emotions as well. Without overreacting, continue positive feedback and affirmation of your spouse at these times.

4. As your relationship begins to truly heal and grow deeper, make sure you don't rest on your laurels" and forget your spouse's love language and daily needs. You're on the road to your dreams, so stay there! Put appointments into your schedule to assess together how you're doing. 

Conclusion : 

If your relationship is in serious trouble then discussed these steps, you need to begin by strong commitment of the will to undertake this experiment. You risk further pain and rejection, but you also stand to regain a healthy and fullfiling relationship. Count the cost; it's worth the attempt.